The Bertie and Aldiss Blog Show – Interview with Aldiss the rat

Hello and welcome to the Bertie and Aldiss Blog Show. I thought I would post this up quickly before Aldiss got home from his Zumba class. He interrupts terribly you see. I can’t get a word in edgeways sometimes and I’m the 1983 Murst Champion Squawker – an award I won four times in a row for excellent ability in talking! Anyway, I digress. The post this week is all about Aldiss. I did a question and answer session with him yesterday. It took me three hours to get straight answers from him…he is terrible at going off on a tangent. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this.

Bertie (B): How old are you?

Aldiss (A): I don’t know.

B: How do you not know?

A: I can’t remember being born and my mother never told me. She has so many children you see, it was hard for her to remember who was born when. She has a hard time remembering all our names so I’m not surprised she can’t remember our real birthdays. We have just one birthday that we all celebrate and that is on the first of June.

B: Why the first of June?

A: Because it’s summertime and the weather might be a bit better.

B: And how many brothers and sisters do you have?

A: Living in Murst? Or all of them?

B: All of them.

A: Um…at the last count it was three hundred and 76.

B: What? How many?

A: 376.

B: And they all live in Murst?

A: No, some of them moved down to some of the human cities.

B: How many are in Murst?

A: I think it’s 293, but you’d have to ask mum.

B: There are nearly 300 rats living in Murst! I can’t believe that! It’s so many.

A: No, of course there aren’t 300 rats living in Murst.

B: Phew. Thank goodness for that.

A: No there are far more than that. Thousands more.  But don’t worry, most of them are as lovely and great as me.

B (sarcastically): Oh, that’s a relief then! Moving on. What is your favourite cheese?

A: Oh that’s a hard one. I really like the really smelly cheeses, but for taste I would have to say a nice Cheddar. Yummy.

B: What’s your favourite hobby?

A: I’ve just taken up belly dancing and fencing and I love both of them. However, I would have to say that knitting and collecting leaves are my favourite hobbies.

B: Quite! Last question, if you were shut up in a dungeon, who would be the three people you would want there with you?

A: Hmmm…well, you, of course, because we are best friends and you have your satchel to keep us in food and drink. Shona because she can breathe fire and keep us warm. Henry because he is so funny and could magic us out of there.

B: Aldiss G Drinkwater, thank you for the interview.

A: Thank you Bertie, I mean…Albert Alonzo Fluke.

 

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